Last week, I had a conversation I can’t stop thinking about, and I still can’t get “Golden” from KPop Demon Hunters out of my head. IYKYK.
In October, I walked into a warehouse in Bushwick with my 74-year-old mother and my eight- and ten-year-olds. There were already about 300 people standing in a loose circle, in jeans and sneakers, holding sheet music, looking around like, what is this? Do I belong here? Did I make a mistake coming? Matt Goldstein was in the center, already leading. Within a few minutes, we were making sounds together, repeating after him, laughing, and then turning to a stranger next to us to answer a simple question: “Why did you say yes to this?”
We were learning “Golden” and “This Is What It Sounds Like” from KPop Demon Hunters – both songs about not hiding anymore, which is exactly what the room was slowly learning how to do.
I had first come across Gaia Music Collective on Instagram, where I kept seeing viral videos of strangers singing at the top of their lungs, having the time of their live . Being there in person that October afternoon, what struck me was not just the music, but how quickly the room shifted from a collection of individuals into something that felt like a group.
So I was thrilled to invite Matt Goldstein, the founder of Gaia Music Collective, to join us at GROUP LIFE for a very special Substack Live BREAKDOWN.
As he said at one point, “People think this is about music… and it is. But it’s actually about gathering.” What he has built, starting from his apartment and now expanding across cities, is one of the clearest examples I’ve seen of how strangers become a “we.”
Here are 10 things I’m taking from our conversation:
1. Relevant gatherings start with a need, not a plan. Gaia Music Collective didn’t begin as an organization. It began during the pandemic, when Matt found himself asking what he most wanted to do once people could be together again. “I missed the feeling of singing with people,” he shared. Matt invited a few friends into his living room, led them through circle singing (something he loved and knew how to do as a professional choir conductor and facilitator), and realized they were hitting on something very special together – even while admitting, “I didn’t really know what I was doing.”
2. Host the gathering you actually want to attend. Matt didn’t want guests to audition for a choir or commit to something rigid. He wanted a space where people could show up, sing, and feel that sense of connection without pressure. So he built it. A gathering shouldn’t be a “should.” It should be something you want to do.
3. You don’t need a big house or budget to gather. Before Gaia Music Collective became warehouses full of people, it was six friends stuffed into an apartment. Gathering need not be fancy. You can literally invite others to the park with a thermos of tea and a blanket.
4. The opening minutes disproportionately shape the group. Matt opens each choir with sound. Participants repeat after him, laugh, and then turn to a stranger to answer simple questions such as “Where are you coming from?” and “Why did you say yes?” Within minutes, people are already participating. He’s also signaling something else at the same time: nothing bad is going to happen here. As he said, “I need to signal to everyone: I’m not scared.” The group picks up on that quickly.
5. Lower the stakes early. At the beginning, he has people repeat simple sounds. Sometimes he even starts with a voice crack on purpose. The room laughs. The message lands quickly: you don’t have to get this right. Once that happens, people loosen.
6. “Everything is an invitation.” One of the core agreements he names is that you don’t have to do anything. You can sing, adjust, or just witness. “Everything is optional,” he says. That permission changes how people show up. Most people end up participating, but they do it because they choose to.
7. Good hosts remove blockages to connection. Even in the best gatherings, there can be barriers to connection: embarrassment, fear, and not knowing what to do. Gaia Music Collective’s structure gives people something shared to focus on.
8. Don’t go deeper than the moment can hold. Not every gathering needs depth for depth’s sake. In this case, the goal is not for people to share their deepest stories. The goal is for them to sing together.
9. Create connection across cultural difference. At the KPop Demon Hunters choir, we learned “Golden” and “This Is What It Sounds Like,” which include Korean lyrics. When we got to those lines, Matt paused and said, “Is there anyone here who can help us with pronunciation, translation, and context?” Someone raised her hand, stepped forward, and taught us the words. At one point, she said, “No one’s ever asked me to do that before.”
10. Hold the group, then give it back. At the beginning, Matt is holding everything. By the end, he lets go. We sang the song once with him directing, and then again with him stepping back into the circle. It wasn’t as polished, but it felt different. It felt like it belonged to us and that we belonged to each other.
Group Lifers can now listen to the full conversation by clicking the video above.
As Matt shared, “turns out, people just really want to sing.” What he’s built is a way for strangers to do that together.
And if there’s a Gaia Music Collective in your city, I couldn’t recommend it more. You can see their upcoming choirs here.
As always,
Priya
