In last week’s GROUP HELP Session, I tried something new. I shared a draft chart that’s been rattling around in my head about the difference between self-help and group help.
Self-help: practicing your dance moves and focusing on not making a fool of yourself (we have all been there).
Group help: figuring out the social dance that will get everyone on the dance floor to make a fool of themselves together (the electric slide? the chicken dance? the Macarena? the Virginia Reel? the Hora?)
Self-help: getting yourself a plate
Group help: hosting a family-style dinner and playfully instructing guests to serve one another
Self-help: journaling alone
Group help: hosting a journaling club
As I said in the webinar (which you can watch here), there is absolutely a crucial place for the Self. After all, much of Western thought is based on protecting individual rights. But we have endless tools to help the self, and barely consider the tools of the group. And without that lens, we’re missing half the story.
That’s why I was so thrilled to “go Live” with my luminous friend Suleika Jaouad. If you don’t know her work, she’s a brilliant writer and a three-time cancer survivor who has returned to the creative impulse again and again in her moments of deepest crisis. When the pandemic hit, and much of the world was sheltering in place, it occurred to Suleika that she was actually an expert on isolation. She took one of her most solitary practices — journaling — and turned it communal. And thus was born The Isolation Journals. This spring, Suleika came out with The Book of Alchemy, a series of prompts and an invitation to the art of journaling, and she just released The Alchemy Journal. And now, she’s starting a kind of wild concept – journaling clubs – to turn the ultimate “self-help” practice into a collective, cathartic act.
(I recently attended one with 17 strangers led by Suleika and drew this giraffe as a warm up act to get our juices flowing.) I was surprised how well it worked, and how good it felt to sit in community just journaling.
Anyhow, part of GROUP HELP is knowing when and how to take an individual practice and turn it into a helpful collective act. I hope you enjoy our conversation above. We get into growing up bi-racial and bi-cultural and the new gatherings that emerge in multi-cultural homes, the ache of being an outsider, and how the musician Jon Batiste (who is also Suleika’s husband and creative partner) makes an audience a collective.
My conversation with Suleika felt like a celebration of what we’re trying to build here in Group Life: not just ideas, but practices. Not just self-help, but group help.
As part of the launch of Group Life, I’m sharing this replay with you all above. And, if you want to support this work, consider becoming a Group Lifer.
As always,
Priya
SEPT 24 AT 12PM EST: GETTING UNSTUCK: How to Host a Gathering You Actually Want to Attend
The next GROUP HELP Session is coming up on September 24 at 12pm EST. In this live session, I’ll share the five biggest blockers that keep gatherings from feeling alive — and show you how to move past them so you can host with more ease, clarity, and joy.
(Psssttt… we shaped this topic straight from what you all asked for in the GROUP CHAT.)
As part of our launch celebrations, the first two GROUP HELP sessions are open to everyone. After that, they’ll be for paid subscribers (GROUP LIFERS) only — a space where we’ll build gathering skills together in community.
Please join us and come see what it’s like, try it out, and leave with tools you can use right away. I’d love to have you there.
P.S. For those of you still orienting yourselves to these new tools on Substack, you’re not alone! Here’s how you can join the next Substack Live:
When we announce a Live, we’ll send you a link to add it to your calendar.
When the Live actually begins, Substack will automatically send you an email with the link to join. (Note: It doesn’t come from priyaparker@substack.com so check your spam folder if you don’t see it.)
And if you can’t find the email, just head on over to priyaparker.substack.com. The Live video will appear right at the top of the page. Click in and you’ll be watching. (Don’t worry, I’m still figuring it out too!)
