I had one of my very favorite conversations today about the anatomy of what goes into turning a small business (like a bookshop) into a gathering place and a community. And I did it with the perfect person to have this conversation with: Emma Straub, my friend, a brilliant author, and the co-owner of Books Are Magic (a beloved community bookstore in Brooklyn) on Substack Live.
I’ve been thinking about third places and why some make you want to linger and others don’t. (The term “third place” was first coined by Ray Oldenburg, a sociologist, in his book The Great Good Place, in 1989. The idea was your home is your “first place”; your work is your “second place”; and then there are these “third places” that are “crucial for fostering community and civility.) Think: libraries, coffee shops, gyms, pubs, parks, bookshops, etc. where people meet and collide and get to be together. Books Are Magic is very much one of these spaces.
I wanted to talk to someone who has built a successful, beloved third place, and break down together the nitty gritty of what goes into it. And Emma did not disappoint. We spent the hour unpacking all of the macro and micro decisions that go into the magic of Books Are Magic (and what the rest of us can learn from it and apply in our own lives and gatherings.)
Click play on the video above to watch our conversation.
10 things I learned from Emma Straub about what turns a bookshop into a community:
Many of the best gatherings start off as jokes or a half-serious “what if we just…?” When Emma was pregnant with her second child, she and her husband, Mike, half-joked that the only thing they needed in life was to live within walking distance to a bookstore. She grew up in books and had been a bookseller. And when their local beloved bookshop closed after 35 years in business, they joked: we could move or we could open a bookshop. They decided opening a bookshop would be easier than moving (lol). And within months, Books Are Magic was born. (For a deep dive on why so many of the best ideas/creative projects/gatherings start as jokes, check out, my Live with Austin Kleon on this very topic.)
Start with a real need (no matter how ridiculous it might sound to others). Emma had a very real need: as a parent of young kids, she wanted to be able to walk to a local bookstore, hang out with her kids around books, and have a bathroom where she could change diapers without anyone trying to shoo them out. So, she and Mike built the bookstore they wish existed in the world, and other people seem to also really like it. And psstt… It’s not unrelated to my regular advice to start gathering by hosting a gathering YOU actually want to attend.
Murals are magic (because they instantly change our behavior). Outside of Books Are Magic is a (now quite famous) beautiful pink mural that reads: BOOKS ARE MAGIC. Emma was so keen to have a mural on the side of the wall of the bookstore that before they signed the lease, she checked with the owner that they could in fact paint a mural there. She didn’t know what it would be exactly, but they ended up choosing a design inspired by Emma’s son’s favorite cartoon at the time, Super Friends. In the chat, I had folks drop in some of their other favorite murals in the country, and where and how it changes our behavior on the street. I learned about Olive Moya’s murals from Emily and Kelsey Montague’s What Lifts You murals from Laura and Sally Rumble’s mural in Fort Greene of Michael K. Williams from Katie.
Source: Books Are Magic In a third place, signage is a craft. If a host’s job is to orient a guest and help them know “how to be here,” signs in third places do a lot of work. And they can be done well or badly. I shared an example from a coffee shop I recently saw that, in trying to keep traffic moving, had a sign on every table that basically screamed to me (“get out”). Emma broke down where and how they use signs to help set up visitors for success. My personal favorite is possibly the sign on their bathroom door, complete with diaper changing stall inside, that reads in a neighborhood where lots of shops don’t have public bathrooms: BATHROOMS ARE MAGIC.
Practice generous authority. When people walk into a space, whether it’s a store or a meeting, they wonder: Do I belong here? What are the values of this place? Good hosts practice what I call “generous authority”: they not only connect their guests, but they also protect them. When Books Are Magic puts up a sign that says, “We do not allow homophobia, transphobia, Islamophobia…”, it signals: everyone is welcome here. These are our values. And she got into what happens, in the rare instances, when a patron behaves in an inappropriate way to staff, and how they handle it. (I actually loved this part of the conversation and could have gone much longer on it because creating “third places” is super complex and most of the most helpful training is dealing with the everyday micro-conflicts that is par for the course in so many small businesses.)
Stop wishing people would invite you to things. Start hosting. One of the most viral posts I’ve ever posted on Instagram was a video of a gentleman, Pableaux Johnson, who, for 20 years, hosted a simple red beans and cornbread dinner at his house on Monday nights. Because he did it so consistently, thousands of people had sat at his table over the years. And when he passed away, people came out from the woodwork to remember him and honor his famous Monday night red bean dinners. This simple dinner and his consistency struck a chord with folks, and I was flooded with notes and DMs and comments about how beautiful Pableaux’s dinners were. But it also struck me how many of these notes or people re-posting this video said something like, “Invite me!” or “I wish someone would invite me to a dinner like this!” To them, and to you, I say: You host that dinner.
Be specific, disputable, and you. Emma is the first person to say that Books Are Magic is Emma: loud, silly, pink, fun, particular. “It’s me in a bookshop,” Emma said. She shared early on that someone (who will remain nameless!) came by and said to her, “No one serious will EVER come to your store if it’s actually named BOOKS ARE MAGIC.” And she said, “And that is OK.”
Nooks. That’s it. Just nooks. One of the very first things Emma and Mike did in their first store was work with their architect to build a tiny one-child-sized nook in a tiny corner of the room where a kid can just squirrel away. They tell parents and kids: you’re not bothering us, you belong here.
Put wheels on tables. Her most practical tip? If you want to host 300 events a year in your small bookshop, dear reader, put wheels on your tables. Her tables-on-wheels hack reminded me of the great William H. Whyte’s insight on what makes people linger longer in public spaces: moveable chairs
“The chef is in.” I’m always slightly surprised when I go to a restaurant where there’s a beloved or famous or iconic chef, and they’re just hanging out cooking in the kitchen. I think to myself, “You’re here?” I know it sounds kind of ridiculous, but, there’s a small part of me that’s like: Don’t you have somewhere to be? And, they’re like, “No. This is what I do. Where the heck else would I be?” And that’s how I think about Emma: she’s a chef in the kitchen. She and Mike are in the room, in the details, in the daily decisions that make Books Are Magic feel like a place you want to return to. It’s also a reminder about the micro: so much of what makes a gathering or community space, work isn’t some big, sweeping move. It’s being there, being present, and letting the small be its own vessel. And it’s enough.
If you’ve been craving more connection and community, I hope this conversation sparks something for you.
And I’d love to hear from you: What is your favorite neighborhood bookshop that really knows how to host people well? Come say hi and tell us in the GROUP CHAT.
As always,
Priya
Upcoming events:
GROUP HELP Sessions
These sessions are for paid subscribers (aka GROUP LIFERS). If you want to join us, become a GROUP LIFER here. GROUP HELP Sessions are my bi-weekly live workshops where we spend an hour sharpening one essential skill of group life. It’s my way of sharing the tools I usually teach inside organizations with anyone looking to deepen their gathering, hosting, and facilitation skills.
GROUP HELP Session | How to include kids without centering them at intergenerational gatherings
When: Tuesday, December 3 at 12pm ET
Where: Zoom
In this session, we’ll dig into how to design intergenerational gatherings where adults are delighted and kids are included in thoughtful, age-appropriate ways. We’ll talk about why this can feel tricky and the moves that help groups bridge across ages. Thanks to GROUP LIFERS Patricia and Octavia for sparking this one!
GROUP HELP Session | The anatomy of a magical question and how to crack open a group
When: Wednesday, December 17 at 12pm ET
Where: Zoom
How do you get really good at crafting and asking questions that actually move people? The ones that crack open a stuck group, change the temperature of a moment, or take a conversation to the next level. I’ll teach my framework for shaping Magical Questions that create real meaning, and we’ll workshop them live together.Thanks to GROUP LIFERS Tina and Meg for inspiring this one!
To join these GROUP HELP Sessions, make sure you’re a paid subscriber (aka GROUP LIFER). RSVP to each of the calendar invites above. We’ll send the Zoom link to join to all GROUP LIFERS on the morning of the webinars.
Substack Live Conversations
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Substack Live with Will Guidara | On Unreasonable Hospitality and The Art of Gathering: a Dialogue with Friends with Will Guidara and Priya Parker
When: Thursday, December 4 at 12pm ET
Where: Substack
I’m sitting down with my friend Will Guidara, author of the bestselling Unreasonable Hospitality and award-winning restaurateur and builder of some of the best restaurants in the world. We’ll explore how hospitality translates to the holidays, especially when it comes to staff gifts and appreciation, meaningful gestures, and attention that turns routines into rituals. We’ll also get into his new card deck and why good questions can shift the energy of a room.
Substack Live with Katie Riley | THE BREAKDOWN: How the Zohran Mamdani campaign GATHERED its way to a generational win with Deputy Campaign Manager Katie Riley and Priya Parker
When: Wednesday, December 10 at 12pm ET
Where: Substack
Join me and Katie Riley, Deputy Campaign Manager of the Zohran Mamdani mayoral race, to unpack how strategic gathering shaped Zohran Mamdani’s recent NYC mayoral win. For the first time ever, Riley will share publicly how the campaign intentionally designed every gathering to be transformative — rallies that felt like cultural events to neighborhood walks and DIY merch that built identity. Riley helped turn these political moments into places where people actually wanted to show up. We’ll break down the choices behind it all and what any group can learn from that kind of momentum and intentionality.
Substack Live with Anand Giridharadas | Winter warmer AMA with Priya Parker and Anand Giridharadas
When: Thursday, December 11 at 5pm ET
Where: Substack
Join me and Anand Giridharadas (author of WINNERS TAKE ALL and publisher of THE INK, and my husband) for a winter warmer AMA. We’ll pour one out for 2025 and answer all of your questions. Think cozy sweaters and winter drinks. Bring something to sip and come hang with us.
To join any of these Substack Lives, add them to your calendar using the links above. Make sure you’re subscribed to GROUP LIFE so Substack can email you the link when we go live on the day of. If the email doesn’t show up, just head to priyaparker.substack.com and the video will be playing on Group Life. Click on the video to join us.
